Stories Of Sex Work: Reason Why Men And Women Are Into It
People watch porn stars performing in scenes to see their fantasies come to life. Likewise, men turn to webcamming sites to watch women grinding on sex dolls or masturbate to please themselves. Then there’s prostitution, which does not really need any explaining. And even when many people consider sex work unethical, the industry is still going strong.
This leaves a question for curious minds. If it is known that sex workers are marginalized, why do women still pursue this type of career? And why do men go to them?
After The Guardian interviewed former sex workers and customers, a common theme was revealed. Some sex workers and clients do it because they have self-destructive behaviors.
Meet Malinda – not her real name – a former escort. She lived a very eventful university life – one that heavily involves sex work. Malinda had a roommate in the university who applied as an escort through an online service. You would think that would make her feel at least a little comfortable, but she was indifferent. It did not concern her because, in fact, she herself was a sex worker.
Malinda says that in university, she worked as a stripper for about two months. Also, she says that she’s the type of person who wants to be in the center of attention. On top of that, she loves dancing. Therefore, being a stripper was an ideal part-time job for her – especially since it pays well. But unknown to her, that would not be the last time she would participate in sex work.
After graduating, she went into a slump. She had three part-time jobs, none of which paid well. Remembering her past experiences, Malinda started looking for job openings for exotic dancers. Thankfully, there were many strip clubs in her new city, so it was relatively easy. But after going to an “audition,” she found that the scene was not healthy. The other girls were doing illegal drugs, and the bouncers looked more malicious than the customers. So, she decided to give that up.
Then, Malinda remembered her past roommate. That started her career as an escort. She posted her photos on an escort website and priced her service at £120 ($164.60) per hour.
She was still unsure if she made the right decision when she had her first “date.” Malinda knows that as a prostitute, she was compromising herself. But she had to earn money. Now, the stigma around prostitutes clouded her mind. Offering sex does not sound like the most ethical way to make a living. She eventually managed to come to terms with it. She thought everyone would go to great extents just to earn money. So, having sex with strangers is fine as long as she knows she’s only doing it for the cash.
Malinda continued working as a prostitute until a realization hit her. It is not just the need for money that pushed her to become an escort. The truth is, she was feeling self-destructive. A former lover rejected her, she was in debt, and her college degree cannot help her at all. Malinda felt like the world was against her. In some way, this was her form of rebelling.
The reflection opened Malinda’s eyes and showed her how sticky the situation she put herself in. After one client almost forced her to do anal sex – which she does not want to do – she quit her job as a sex worker.
Similar to Malinda, Reyna became an escort because of life problems. She lived a happy life until her parents divorced in her first year of university.
Depressed, Reyna developed an addiction. Still, she made it a point to offer her body in exchange for money. But she underestimated what the influence of drugs can do. She eventually gave in and became an escort.
Reyna says that she had sex with as many as a dozen men a day during her escorting years. She recalls the busiest hours were in the early morning when “white men in business suits” were going to work. Lunchtime follows, with the businessmen sneaking off for a quick session. Reyna did not try to get to know any of them, nor did she pretend to be interested. For her, it was all about the money.
To illustrate how self-destructive she was, Reyna admits that more often than not, she had unprotected sex. Thankfully, she never caught STDs.
Now, Reyna is no longer into drugs and has stopped escorting. But, she says she wants to go back. “Something about the thought of a man paying me to have sex with them turns me on,” she says.
Leonel is a married man, yet he often hires escorts. It’s not that he’s not satisfied with his wife. As he says, their relationship is not empty of sex. But, he was tempted by the ads he always sees.
Leonel says that he had “appointments” with about 25 escorts. However, he only had intercourse with half of them. According to Leonel, some escorts are “into it.” But, it is obvious that the others would rather have sex with a sex doll. They are just doing it for the money. That got him hooked.
The women were mostly drug-addicted, cigarette-smelling twenty years old. They don’t bother hiding the fact that they are disinterested in having sex with him. Leonel was attracted by the self-destructive nature of these appointments. To him, havings sex with these escorts and paying them with his hard-earned salary was the pinnacle of self-hate. Aside from these, there’s the walk of shame, the instant regret, and the following few days when all he does is beat himself up for what he’s done. He also has to sneak into the showers so his wife would not know he’s cheating. He described the experience as “hell.” Leonel says the only part of this that felt good was the 60 to 90 seconds of orgasm. Still, he kept doing it. Why? Because he is self-destructive.