Understanding and Exploring the World of Sexual Fantasies
In life, people often find themselves fantasizing about things. It could be about something material like a dream car or dream house. Our fantasies could also be supernatural in nature, like having the ability to fly or to converse with animals. Then there are sexual desires.
Sexual desires are different. Unlike the superpowers or things that you wish to have, sometimes sexual desires do not align with your beliefs. Thus, they can make you feel guilty. You might think that deep down, you have these dark or forbidden desires. That could make you feel like a bad person.
Worry not, there is nothing wrong with you. Your sexual fantasies do not define you. Furthermore, not because they appear in your dreams means that you want all of them to happen in real life. Those things stay in a world separate from the world where you live in.
Three Types of Sexual Fantasies
According to Gigi Engle, a sex coach and author of The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, there are three types of sexual fantasies.
Sexual fantasies that you keep to yourselves.
The erotic thoughts that could make you feel bothered and guilty fall in this category. They could be unconventional or unacceptable for your culture, so you feel embarrassed about them. You do not want anybody else to know about these.
An example of this could be having a threesome with your current and ex-partner. You might feel dirty if you fantasize about things like these. But remember that they are simply caused by human’s innate lustfulness. You keep thinking about these things only because you were curious about the experience.
If this thought continues to trouble you, seek a sex coach for advice.
Sexual Fantasies that you share with your partners
These types of fantasies are also complex. They are the things that you share with your partner to make your sexytime more exciting. However, they mainly remain as ideas and thoughts. You do not actually mean them or want to do them. These sexual fantasies are used for talking dirty or for teasing.
Sexual Fantasies that you actually want to happen
Now, these are the most interesting ones. They are your desires that you want to be fulfilled. For that to happen, you need first to acknowledge that you want them to come true. Then it would be best if you talked about them openly. Do you wish to be in an orgy? Social media and dating apps made finding one easy. Do you think it would be hot to see your partner have a go with a sex robot? Go tell them!
Chasing these fantasies is a high-risk, high-reward. Telling other people about them can be scary. You do not know if they will like it or not. But unless you ask, they will remain as things you will never experience. If they did not consent, then there is a bitter taste left in your mouth. Still, you should accept their opinion. If they agreed, however, then you can finally achieve the satisfaction you were longing for.
Common Sexual Fantasies
Here are some of the most common steamy thoughts that reside in the minds of humans.
Having sex with more than one person
Perhaps this is the most common sexual fantasy. If you are in a relationship and this thought keeps popping on your mind, do not panic; it is completely normal. The idea behind this is not to oppose loyalty and faithfulness. It is not that you are not content with your partner. Instead, your human nature is just attracted to the idea of more people wanting to touch and please you.
To explain this more straightforwardly, think about masturbation and sex. Sure, pleasing yourself could be fun, but it is more ideal if you have a partner who wants to do it for you. Then double or triple the number of your sexual partners, and the pleasure will also be increased.
Again, you may or may not want this to happen in real life. If you do, it is worth a shot to tell your partner about this. Communication and consent is the key.
Bondage, Dominance, Discipline and Submission
BDSM is one of the most common kinks. It takes in the concept of people wanting to be dominating or dominated. Then it highlights those aspects with foreplay and roleplay. As shown in the movie Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM allows people to feel power and control, heightening their arousal level. Some people like making decisions and taking charge, while some love to have someone lead them. Through sadism and masochism, they were able to experience these at their peak. As people become more interested, they become more pleased.
Having sex is fun and gratifying, but it could get repetitive at times. Sometimes, people want more than plain sex in the bedroom. They want something more interesting. Thus, they fantasize about exploring new things. It could be as simple as adding a sex doll or toy to the mix or doing something more daring like havi
ng sex in the mountains. Be careful with the latter, however, as there are laws you should follow. You might get into trouble if you are not careful.
These new experiences could replenish the diminishing excitement for sexual activity. They could even make it feel like the first time you had sex.
Having sexual fantasies are normal – no matter how weird the thoughts may be. They exist to tell you what turns you on, which is important for taking care of your sexual health and wellness. In fact, overcoming the shame you feel for having erotic thoughts is one of the first steps to becoming a sex-positive person.
So do not be afraid to address and chase your sexual desires. If they would truly make you happy, go for them. Just keep in mind that boundaries exist and consent isThere is nothing wrong with looking and fantasizing for sexual delight. It is a basic need for us, after all.